What “they” don’t want you to know about finding a job…
HR is killing your company. A new book out titled Death by HR threatens to rip the lid off the sordid corporate HR hiring function and should be required reading by today’s busy executives.
HR has devised a gauntlet of hurdles for your prospective job applicants to jump through in the name of protecting your company. The real reason though is to provide make-work for your female HR staff so you can loudly claim how you are promoting women. You have entrusted these low-IQ busybodies to be gatekeepers of who gets through the door to even talk to you.
You may not have had the pleasure of looking at your own damn career page. Because as a CEO your were either courted directly or found the job through your high-level connections (including your family, in many cases). Rank and file employees don’t have this luxury so must apply online for what few jobs you advertise.
Take a look at your site. There you will find lots of “diversity” stock photos of happy people jumping in the air about their awesome career. Take them down you damn phony. Those people do not work for you so why do you feature them on your web site? You expect job applicants to be honest while you start out by lying in their face. Would you accept resumes emblazoned with diversity stock photos? How about I put a happy technical black guy on my resume and social media to fool your HR to let me through the security gate? It would be as honest about me as your career portal stock photos are about you.
Next please start the online job application process. Wouldn’t it be great if interested talent could just email their resume for your HR staff to review? HR will say they get deluged with resumes and must have a database with algorithms to filter them. Another big lie. What the hell are you paying those people for if they can’t read and sort resumes?
OK back to your online app. First create an account. Yeah you need another account in your life to contain all your personal information. Come up with a good password but don’t worry, your info will be safe. Today’s corporations have top-notch data security and never get hacked.
After you create the account go check your email so you can verify it. Click through the verification process. You are ready to begin!
Be sure to go through each and every page filling out to the best of your ability. The online forms are annoyingly different than all the other corporate career portals you have submitted to but you are serious about finding a job so you suffer through it to enter all the same information. Previous jobs and salaries, put it all in there. Don’t lie, because it will all be verified.
Now the best part. Your career portal wants references. Can’t proceed without listing two with contact information. The applicant hasn’t even gone on the first date with you and you want to stick your nose in their previous relationships. Again you can be trusted not to use that info to ruin what few industry contacts would speak well of the poor applicant. You also won’t contact them to upsell your own services, would you?
Some of you clowns even ask for a social security number. For “background check” purposes. What’s next in this circus of humiliation, credit card information?
OK, you are done. It only took 45 minutes. Submit.
An email pops up : “Thank you for applying at Encorpera!”
It’s not just you. Every company does this so that good people eventually give up and stop applying. Some people develop a work-around and learn how to contact industry players directly and sell themselves towards a job. That’s how you did it but you want everyone else to grovel before the gates of HR. You are going to end up with a workforce that wants to be told what to do each and every day and not take any risks.
There’s hope though. More and more people are listening to self-styled internet employment gurus who advocate another approach : Employment Game, a form of pickup artistry that uses techniques of persuasion, “negging”, and “peacocking” to get the attention of prospective employers and guide them towards the job offer.
A book that codifies what many of those job gamers have shared online in obscure forums has HR professionals howling in rage. You can get a free preview now before it gets banned. And for a glimpse of some of their questionable tactics take a look at How to Crack HR.
The pros know how it works.